you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
