take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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