i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
