I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
