i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
