he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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