I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
