dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
