I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
