I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
