Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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