a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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