how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
