I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
