i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize