They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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