i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
