she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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