I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
