so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
