He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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