the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
