I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
