hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
