omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
