can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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