she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
