3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
