At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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