hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
