I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize