How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
