First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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