he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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