I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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