I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
4 words: hood of his car
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
