I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
