Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
