I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
