Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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