Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
