Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
