i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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