im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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