Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
