I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
