I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
