I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize