If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
