The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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