thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
