make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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