Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
