you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
