So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
