we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
