i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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