my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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