so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
