my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
