I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
