remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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