I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
