I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am midnight drunk by noon
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
