only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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